He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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