I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
