You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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