Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
