note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
