i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
