We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
