I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
