My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
