Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
