saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
