Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
