Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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