He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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