wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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