omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
