The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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