they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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