Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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