On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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