I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
