dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
