i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
