we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
