i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
