I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
