He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
