the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
