I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Betty ford says i'm here all night
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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