she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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