Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
