so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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