So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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