Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
