Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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