Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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