i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
