Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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