If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I didn't shave. On purpose
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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