If that was your dad, he is hot
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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