At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just want to make out with him forever
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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