Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
