I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
