my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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