So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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