On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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