Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
