rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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