turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
