the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
